We are living through a moment that is difficult to describe in simple terms. There is pride, fear, gratitude, and discomfort all at once. In a recent conversation I had with Rabbi Efrem Goldberg, he described it as a "cocktail of emotions" that Jews are experiencing right now. That felt exactly right.

For some, Israel has become a powerful source of connection. For others, it has become a source of tension. Within families, across generations, and inside communities, conversations that once felt natural now feel charged.

The Mistake We Keep Making About Unity

One idea from my conversation with Rabbi Goldberg sums this up well:

"The call for unity is not a call for uniformity… You can’t have unity without diversity."

We often say we want unity. What we really mean is agreement. We want people to see Israel the way we see it, practice Judaism the way we practice it, and arrive at the same conclusions we have.

But that has never been the Jewish model. From the very beginning, we were not one voice. We were twelve tribes, different in identity and perspective, yet bound together by something deeper, a shared sense of responsibility and belonging that did not depend on agreement.

The Torah describes the Jewish people as "איש על דגלו", each under their own banner, signaling that distinct identities were not a flaw but part of the design.

A Shared Center, Not a Shared Opinion

Rabbi Goldberg described a powerful image from Jewish tradition. The tribes camped separately, each with its own identity, yet they were all oriented around a shared center. That shared center held them together. It did not erase their differences, it gave those differences structure.

Today, we are not struggling because we disagree. We are struggling because we are losing the sense of a shared center, a shared commitment to one another, to our history, and to our collective future. And without that, difference begins to feel like distance.

What might that shared center look like today? It could be as concrete as showing up for one another in moments of need, standing together against antisemitism, or committing to learning and engaging with our tradition. It might be gathering around Shabbat tables, traveling to Israel to see and feel its reality firsthand, or simply choosing to remain in relationship with Jews whose views differ from our own.

When Difference Turns Into Distance

We are living in a culture that rewards division. Rabbi Goldberg put it bluntly:

"We’re living in a time… that promotes, amplifies, and even rewards partisanship."

The more forcefully we separate ourselves, the more attention we receive. As Rabbi Goldberg noted, the louder and more confrontational someone is, the more likely they are to gain followers, attention, and influence.

You see it in conversations about Israel, in synagogue life, and at the dinner table. At some point, people stop talking. Or worse, they stop listening.

What Holds Us Together

At one point, Rabbi Goldberg challenged a word many of us use without thinking.

"You tolerate slow Wi-Fi… You don’t tolerate a fellow Jew. You love a fellow Jew."

Tolerance creates space. Love creates responsibility. The Mishnah teaches, "כל ישראל ערבים זה בזה", all Jews are responsible for one another. Responsibility, not agreement, is what defines the relationship.

Jewish peoplehood has never been built on tolerance alone, it has been built on the understanding that we are connected whether it is convenient or not. Responsibility means showing up, staying in relationship, even when it would be easier to step away.

That connection isn't always easy, but it's essential.

Israel as a Unifier and a Test

Israel is often at the center of this tension. For many Jews, it is a source of pride and strength. For others, it raises difficult moral and political questions. We shouldn't pretend those questions don't exist.

For some, the tension is not a lack of information, but a struggle to reconcile deeply held values with a complex reality.

Rabbi Goldberg emphasized that many of the strongest opinions are formed without a full understanding of the facts.

"The answer is education… to understand the facts on the ground and deal with reality."

Education matters. Experience matters. And perhaps most importantly, relationship matters. That may mean asking more questions than making statements, and choosing connection over winning the argument. Can we stay in conversation even when it is uncomfortable?

What Crisis Reveals

Rabbi Goldberg shared an image that is hard to ignore. In bomb shelters across Israel, people sit together. They do not ask how others vote, how others practice, or what their opinions are.

"In bomb shelters, there’s unity… It shouldn’t take that."

Crisis strips away the illusion that we are separate. It reminds us that we are part of something larger than ourselves. The challenge is whether we can hold onto that awareness without needing the crisis.

What This Requires From Us

Unity isn't something we declare. It's something we practice. That practice can take simple, concrete forms:

• Stay in the conversation. Even when it feels uncomfortable.
• Ask before you argue. How did you come to that perspective?
• Invest in learning. Not just opinions, but history, context, and lived reality. Programs like Melton courses are designed for exactly this, creating space to learn and think together with others.
• Create shared experiences. Meals, study, travel, and time together build connection in ways arguments never will. Experiences like Melton travel programs offer an opportunity to explore Jewish life, past, present, and future, alongside fellow learners.
• Lead with responsibility. Not just what you believe, but how you show up for other Jews.

A Choice We Cannot Avoid

At one point in our conversation, Rabbi Goldberg offered a stark observation.

"If there’s any enemy that’s going to be our end… it is ourselves."

That isn't a statement of despair. It's a statement of responsibility. We do not need to agree on everything, but we do need to decide whether we are still willing to belong to one another.

Jewish history has never depended on uniformity. It has depended on connection.

The question is not whether we will disagree. The question is whether we will choose to stay connected anyway. And that is something we can still choose.

Rabbi Dr. Morey Schwartz, EdD, is the International Director of the Florence Melton School of Adult Jewish Learning.